Ohio State Preview

Another week, another rank(ed) Big Ten opponent. I feel like maybe I dropped the ball last week. So I'll try to bring my A-game to Dyche Saturday night, and now you can too. You'll be so prepared for tOSU (6 ESPN/7 AP) that you'll injure the person next to you. By the way, stay away from me. I bruise easily.

Early season OSU MVP: Mike "Ted" Nugent. He's a kicker. No seriously. Something like 30% of the Buckeye-related ESPN.com articles are about him. I swear we need to get some of those green foot fungus-bacteria-gremlins that I've seen on TV and hide them in the opposing locker room. Those guys are hideous, so I doubt anyone on OSU would notice that they don't belong in there.

OSU's offense: OSU is now led by sophomore thrower Justin Zwick. No, you've never heard of him. No, he's not exactly burning up the field. OSU is not offensively gifted this year and they score about as much as NU does. They've gone 3-0 by allowing less than 14 points per game.

* Ok, sidebar! I was looking at the Big Ten team offensive stats, and something struck me as odd. They list the following sub categories under Touchdowns: Pass, Rush, Receiving, Return and Total. Every team has the same number of passing and receiving TDs. HOW COULD YOU NOT!? Hello! End of sidebar.

And now it's time to berate the players for the names that they have very little control over. I love this part.
Note: Roster info from ESPN.com.
* Four years and you still don't know?? - Kyle Andrews. A senior. His position: "?"
* Bam is an onomatopoeia - Bam Childress (Sr, WR). Can you believe I spelled onomatopoeia right on the first try?
* It's a girls name - Nate Salley (Jr, S)
* It's DeGirl's name - Michael DeMaria (Sr, RB)
* It's a first name - Branden Joe (Sr, RB)
* The name so nice, I made fun of him twice (see last year)- Mike Kne (Sr, G)
* There's a biblical joke in here somewhere - Adam Olds and Chris Moses
* Shake shake shake, shake shake shake - Ashton Youboty (So, CB)
* NAMES THAT END IN -ER - Winner, Whitner, Skinner (ouch), Schnittker (um), Schlichter (um x2), Schafer, Parker, Miller, Kerr, Hoewischer, Franzinger, Culver, Coker.

GO CATS!