An Open Letter to The Person to Whom My Apartment Was Shown Yesterday

Dear Person,

Sorry about the state of my apartment. The piles of boxes probably obscured some highlights, and the place is kind of dusty. I guess I could clean, but the boxes are permanent until I move. I'm sure you know how that is, because you yourself are probably preparing to move. Unless you sprang, fully-formed, from the brow of that lady from ApartmentFinders.com and now you need a place to rest your corporeal form. Something with easy access to the bus and the red line! In that case, call me; I'd love to write a myth about you.

If you do decide to take the place, here are some simple warnings, from my experience:

• Don't use the microwave and the AC at the same time. It blows up the living room.
• Don't use the dishwasher and anything else at the same time. It blows up the dishwasher.
• Don't set anything on the floor of the laundry room. That includes your feet.

I hope your search for an earthly home is ultimately successful.

As ever, your humble pre-tenant,
Josh

HMS Sabathia, or The Cats that Loved a Starter

Should the Phillies have gone out of their way to get pitcher CC Sabathia before he went to the Brewers today? What do I know? Let's say yes, because I love the Phillies -- look me up Sunday in section 419! -- but there's only one real question that this blog will address:

Should the Wildcats have traded for Sabathia?

Let's see where he fits in. The obvious fit is on the Cats' struggling baseball team. The Northwestern Nine went a disappointing 21-28 (14-18 Big Ten) in 2008. The overal ERA was 6.91, with the best starter at 4.17 (Eric Jokisch). It seems likely that CC would be a welcome addition to next year's staff.

Exploring a little more, so that we can get our money's worth on him, the 6'7", 290 lb Sabathia might be able to step in on the ApostroCats' rebuilding offensive line in the fall. With Camp Kenosha starting in a few weeks, and the former Indian in his midseason stride, he would likely be ready by time the Big Ten rolls around, if not earlier. In high school, he was a TE with interest from USC and Hawaii, and we all know you can't teach size.

And just to keep him in shape between sports, I say start a club hockey team for men (if there isn't one) and throw him between the pipes. He's no sumo goalie, but it's a start.

Josh eats bird

Google "josh eats birds". I'll wait here...welcome back.

Happily, the first listing is me, and the first-and-a-halfth is also me. That is basically as it should be, yes? Disturbingly, the next listing is a YouTube clip called "Josh eats bird." I haven't watched it, and I don't necessarily encourage anyone to do so. BUT it should be noted that, whatever happens in that video, it is in no way endorsed or engaged in by this blog. This Josh only eats birds in the metaphorical sense.