Wisconsin Road Trip Guide

This Saturday, the Wildcats are headin' up to Wisconsin for an appointment with the Badgers. Yes, yes, I know: We don't need no stinkin' et cetera. But up there in the great red north they need the Badgers very badly. They have very little else to live for, what with the Pack being all dreadful and only minor league baseball and basketball teams.

So, in the interest of your health and happiness, here's
Everything you need to know for your Wisconsin road trip.

* Getting there is less than half the fun but more than half the trip
So, Madison is around 150 miles from Evanston. I think UW is the closest Big Ten "school." So that means you'll be driving and you'll probably take I-90 most of the way. That means tolls, tolls, tolls. In addition to paying the tolls (maybe about $2 all together) blast the opening lines of Money (That's What I Want) at the toll-booth operator. They love it, I promise. If you don't have that track available, just sing it, baby:
(dun nuh nuh nuh!)
The best things in life are free
(dun nuh nuh nuh!)
But you can keep them for the birds and bees
Give me money (that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want)
That's what I want, yeah
That's what I want

* Ok, I'm here. Now what?
Well, now's when I remember that you should've got a ticket before you left Evvy. Whoops! But if you actually do have a ticket, head for Camp Randall Stadium on the west side of campus. Once you go in, you'll be among 76,000 spittle-emiting Badger fans. Do not express your pity for them, as they understand not your human-feelings. They won't expect to understand you, and they'll probably be afraid, because they'll recognize you as a purple-clad Adonis (or Adonesse if you're a lady?).

* I'll be driving in Wisconsin for a few hours on Saturday. Anything I should look for?
We all know the official motto of Wisconsin is "Cows & Cheese & Beer & Porn," but let's dig a little deeper. In fact let's go to Amanda who's on the scene now with an in-depth report.

Well, there is more to Wisconsin than just your little motto, but let's look at those things first:

Cows-
The official state domestic animal is the dairy cow.  There are more than 1.3 million cows in the state.

Beer-
Known as the Beer Capital of the United States, besides having both Milwaukee and LaCrosse claiming to have the highest number of bars per capita (both different specifics), the state [has] probably one of the highest [bars per capita] in the 48 states.  It is also home to many manufacturers, such as Point, Miller, Sprecher and Leinenkugels.

Cheese-
Is the largest producer of cheese in the nation (duh!), making 350 varieties of cheese. They make cheese for 86 million people. They also produce large amounts of butter and milk. Cheese-making requires a cheese-maker's license; Limburger cheese-making requires a master cheese-maker's license. If you want to buy limburger cheese, WI is the place to go. Chalet Cheese Co-op in Monroe is the only cheese factory in the United States that still makes the notoriously odd-smelling limburger variety of cheese.

Porn-
Watch for all the adult stores along the highway.  Enough said.

Wisconsin is also known for hunting.  The opening day of deer season is a school holiday in many districts.  There are 800,000 deer in the woods, but I don't know if that's before or after hunting season.  There is also a season for almost anything, so watch it!

Food hints: Cheese curds can mean two things.  They can be the chunks of cheese, either yellow or white, that when fresh, squeak.  They can also be breaded and deep fried.  Both are amazing and should be enjoyed!  In other food items, fish frys are very popular and in fact, Milwaukee has the highest number of those per capita as well.

Weather: It could be snowing this game day so be prepared.  You may want to stock your vehicle with a winter survival kit as well, because you never know if you will end up in a ditch in the middle of nowhere and have to dig your car out/sleep in your car (many places are not traveled much).  This also means bring winter weather gear such as blaze orange stocking caps, camouflage gloves and flannel shirts.

Laws to be aware of:
*Livestock have the right-of-way on public roads.
*At one time, margarine was illegal. As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned. So don't try to smuggle a case of Oleo in!
*If you hit a deer with your car, if you call the police and get a tag for it, you can keep it!

And after soundly crushing the Badgers, if you would like to travel further in Wisconsin, here are some other winning places to go:

*Hayward, home to the largest muskie in the world.
*Sheboygan, the Bratwurst Capital of the World.
*If you are here Labor Day weekend, you should check out The Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw  in Sauk Prairie, which draws 40,000 spectators.
*Mount Horeb, home to internationally known Mustard Museum, containing the world's largest collection of mustards (more than 3,500 different varieties).

Wow! This was a pretty comprehensive report. Expect less (from me, not Amanda) in the future!
See you in Madison!