An Open Letter to The Person to Whom My Apartment Was Shown Yesterday

Dear Person,

Sorry about the state of my apartment. The piles of boxes probably obscured some highlights, and the place is kind of dusty. I guess I could clean, but the boxes are permanent until I move. I'm sure you know how that is, because you yourself are probably preparing to move. Unless you sprang, fully-formed, from the brow of that lady from ApartmentFinders.com and now you need a place to rest your corporeal form. Something with easy access to the bus and the red line! In that case, call me; I'd love to write a myth about you.

If you do decide to take the place, here are some simple warnings, from my experience:

• Don't use the microwave and the AC at the same time. It blows up the living room.
• Don't use the dishwasher and anything else at the same time. It blows up the dishwasher.
• Don't set anything on the floor of the laundry room. That includes your feet.

I hope your search for an earthly home is ultimately successful.

As ever, your humble pre-tenant,
Josh